She looked at me with eyes filled with terror. I thought that was the first time she looked at me in the eyes. She turned her eyes up to the dark sky and laughed as if I was deluded. She tightened her grip of her hello kitty umbrella—her eyes says she wants to drag it away from me and walk off and give not a damn if I’ll be left in rain or whatever his boyfriend would say.
I understand her. We spent four years in high school together with his boyfriend. But we never talked or addressed each other personally before. Not even close. And now here I was. Beside her under an umbrella waiting for his boyfriend to pick us up.
She must be surprised with the clumsiness—or rather vulgarity of my words given the kind of a non-existent relationship between us two. I too, is even much more surprised with my foolishness. For a second, I thought I was getting crazy. What have I done?
She stood there perplexed and must have discarded the idea of abandoning her cordiality with me for she turned a quick glance in my eyes but withdrew as flashes of lights from vehicles licked her copper like skin and said without looking up to me “You’re not supposed to tell me those things.”
“Suppose I threw him off the boat?” I said, I must be really crazy.
“He’s your friend. We are your friends. You wouldn’t do that.”
We are your friends? I almost laughed hearing this. She must be too thinking that I was losing it and now is trying to convince a child to come down from a tree by luring him with candies. This made me felt only braver with my words.
“Of course I would. If that would give you the courage to kiss me.” I said smiling at her. Only then I felt the weight of the impending trouble with my words. Of course I didn’t mean to say those. It was rather fuelled by something else—by my prankishness—maybe by my wanting to exploit—wanting to break the rules. To set them apart? I don’t know.
Saying those, she pushed me away from the shade of her umbrella. Drops of rain trickled down in my face.
“You’re disgusting! What do you think you are trying to do?” she said. I noticed she dropped a notebook from her bag as she pushed me. I picked it up. I’m thinking of not handing it back to her but it would only trigger more scandal as people are now turning their heads at us with anticipation.
“What’s wrong with you? What do you think you are doing?” She looked at me with pity. With obvious unfamiliarity with this man standing in front of her.
“I feel cold. Don’t you feel cold? You must feel it now.” I said raising my right shoe soaked in flood water. “Go and wait for him inside the bookstore.”
She stood there looking at me. I have no idea what she was thinking.
“How about you?”
“I’ll just go home alone.”
“I’m used to floods like this.” I gestured for her to walk off. But she moved to shade me under her umbrella.
“Let’s go! I’m not going without you. He would be mad if he’ll know that I left you here.”
She stuck her short arms around mine to make sure that I won’t get any more wet. She was small and had to raise her shoulders with full effort so that the umbrella won’t touch my head. It was a pain to look at her with her wearing a beautiful floral dress in a rainy afternoon so I took the umbrella from her and we went to a nearby coffee shop.
“I’m sorry for saying those.” I said sitting beside her. I’m not sure if I was lying.
“No. Don’t be. Honestly, I think I’ve dreamed of your dreams too.”
Her words surprised me.
“In my dream, I can’t make up of your face. At times that I would, I would forget them when I woke up—what remained is just a hazy familiar face—like a word at the tip of my tongue but I can’t figure what—or in that sense, who.”
“That would have been better?”
“So it was you.” She said with her brownish eyes looking to me. “I wonder why I dreamed about that. About you.”
“Because you always think of me?”
“Not true.” She said and hit me with her notebook in the table but with touch of endearment. She thought I was kidding. “That’s dumb.”
“You let me penetrate your dreams. Or was it you entering mine?”
“That’s not even possible.”
“You like me, don’t you?”
“Tonight, I’m throwing him off the sea.”
“You won’t do that. He’s your friend.”
I draw nearer to her ear. She smelt of expensive perfume.
“I would and you would have the courage to kiss me and we would get naked and I will have the courage to fuck you in the boat.”
“That’s very funny.” She said pushing me away a little bit but not as harsh as earlier.
“I’m going to make you scream for your life. I’m going to rip you to pieces.”
“That won’t happen.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because I’m killing you tonight—at least in that dream.”
“I’m going to kill him and you’re going to kill me. How about that?”
“Don’t you love him?”
“These dreams with you has to stop.”
I kept quiet. I didn’t know what to say.
Outside, the wind fluttered with the heavy rain. The sea like flood mirrored the gloomy sky and filled every nook of the city. Her phone rang. It was him. The man I’m going to throw off the sea tonight in my dream.
“He’s here. We have to go.”
We went outside and waited in front of the coffee shop.
I tried to hold her hands but she shoved it away.
“Do you think he has no idea of what’s going on? He’s in the boat too. Remember that.”
“I know.” I said and chuckled knowing this. Ah, these couple is my friends? I have no idea. They must be plotting now too how they are going to kill me in our dreams.
He arrived in his car and halted in front of us. She sat beside him and I at the back.
He looked at me and greeted me with a smile.
“Hey.” I said.
He drove off while the rain drops tapping the window of his car as if begging me not to kill him tonight in my dream.
But this woman who looked so beautiful in her floral dress and hello kitty umbrella. So slim and petite—a tormenting figure held his hand against her lap. As if to fuel my pain and urge to kill him.
No. I don’t love her. But she’s such an irresistible creature. The kind of woman you would want to live with for the rest of your nights.
But why would she want me to kill him?
The rain kept pouring outside, tapping the window of his car. Wondering what I’m going to do next.